family.

Family.

Is it about blood, or about those whom you surround yourself with?

More and more lately, I believe it's those your surround yourself with, those who are constantly by your side and understanding you. You go through thick and thin together, but they are always with you.

My friends are my family. They understand my hardships and my joys. And I share these trials and tribulations with them as well. We celebrate together, we cry together. We do not judge and we do not punish the others for their mistakes. Those who are in my constant daily life via phone or person, they are my family. 

I'm losing faith in my blood these days. They judge and do not trust me for making my own decisions and living my own life. I try to please and try to do as much for them as possible, but I feel I keep getting parented at the age 24. I'm sorry I'm not enough for you. I'm sorry I'm not perfect and make the "wrong" decisions. But I'm learning and trying new things. I'm loving and living. Let me do this...please.

b.

Cannot stop watching this video. It is most amazing. I need to travel. To see things, to meet people and to do something other than lay in bed all the time waiting for the next opportunity to come my way. I'm tired of waiting for people and for things to happen. They never do.

How does one get the opportunity to do something like this? How do people find the funding? I'm at a loss.

b.

trying to understand.

Why do days always start out so well, and then end in contemplation, exhaustion and the desire for something new? I crave the attention of only one and pine for time spent with this person. But I know there is more to living than just being locked in a room together. There is so much air to breathe, so much laughter to have. I need to learn not to invest so much of myself into my job, and into issues that I cannot control. I need to learn to stress less and be more happy. I need to go home more.

I get home sick more and more these days.

bethany.

unpretentious, unhurried, and often understated.

Carli.

the great mechanism.

 Carli.

good news and bad news. why are they both awkward to respond to?

Admitting to living in the present and realizing that there is a future out there, is terrifying and inevitable.

When you're not ready to move forward and everyone else is, what do you do? Probably run and hide. But a little friend who understands, tells you everything is going to be okay and that your future is bright and nothing will stop you.

I am having a hard time accepting things right now and I fear that I want to run away and never return.

I want to never be found. But alas, I have a life, a love and a future I must pursue. So I guess I'll get to it.

Maybe.

b.

Friends!!!

Bad day, bad week, bad month, bad year. There are still highlights that really make your days beautiful.

Life isn't as bad as everyone says it is especially if you're surrounded by great friends and family.

My friend Nadia brought me flowers and a card today. My friend Kelso brought me a coloring book/crayons and magazines the other day and Cody(love) brought my a flower on Monday. Though things seems dark at times, these people keep me going. They believe in me. So here goes nothing.

Thank you all for your support and love, even when it's not needed and especially when it is. You're all wonderful people and I adore you. I hope you know I support you as much as you support me.

I love you all.

Bethany.