Saturday, March 17, 2012

not ever.

it would be so much easier if every morning i didn't wake up wishing i could just slip away. take my typewriter and whatever paper i could find and just slip away. far enough that i would forget everyone and they would forget me. i imagine it is pretty quiet at the ends of the earth quiet enough that i could just stop acting, doing, being, feeling.  

 imagine miles along some frozen ocean, nothing but the sound of your own whistle. no memories, words with multiple meanings, and absolutely no more pain. no more broken hearts. just fog, sea spray, and emptiness. charcoal gray sand, endless turquoise, and nothing but fading white.

what if the world would stop spinning just long enough for you to breathe it out. if there was a place you could run that would truly take you away. a place to hide your broken heart long enough to lose yourself.

i think the reason that this doesn't exist is because we all need to hurt. we all need to fight to heal ourselves. even if that means waking up everyday to cry in the shower. we have to heal until our hearts are ready to beat again.

when i truly think about it i am not really sure i could run away, even if the promise was that i would never hurt like this again. because, what if it is true? what if love really does exist, and what if i missed my chance? i couldn't run away knowing that. not ever. 


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